Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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