Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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