hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
