she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
