I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
