I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
