I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
