I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
