ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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