i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
