Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
