Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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