So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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