i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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