this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
