it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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