I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
