He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
