Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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