I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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