Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize