it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
