So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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