im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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