wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
