do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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