So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
