just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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