I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
