Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She's the barista slut.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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