i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
