the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
