Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
