When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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