So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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