You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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