A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They took my balls.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
