he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
