I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
