some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
operation harelip BJ is a go
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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