so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
