I heard we made out
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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