ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
