Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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