worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
