i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
