where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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