if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize