Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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