I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
