Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish you could order shots online.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
