i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
