She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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