Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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