I'm eating all of the evidence.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
