he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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