I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
