she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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