yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
