I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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