Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
