I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
