nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
