Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
