he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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