Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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