Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
