At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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