its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
