Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
