we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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