FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
