So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
