Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
