someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
