Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
