Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
