Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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